Blunt and generalized, but brutally insightful and passionate

How many times can you repeat the same tired content? While some of the content is genuinely knowledgeable, it gets tedious quickly with its over-assurance and lack of self-awareness.

If you’re suffering from being suddenly discarded by a friend or significant other you saw as a soulmate, AJ will help you understand what aspects of your personality and that of the person you loved brought you to this moment. She assigns responsibility fairly, always bringing the emphasis back to the need for the codependent to heal. Focus on the BPD ex has diminishing returns when it comes to getting through this. There’s only so much understanding you can do. But if you can’t sleep or eat, AJ will get you through to the next phase of survival.

I left my (1 yr. ago diagnosed, untreated) BPD partner of 5 years (3+breakups) for the final time. I have been struggling for understanding, information, and help with what I have been going thru, how to not go back & understand my part in all of it and my healing process. It wasn’t until I found A.J.’s podcast and website that my healing began and life changed for the better. She clearly knows her topic. I appreciate how she explains things and her personality. She teaches things with depth and accuracy on topics that I felt or wondered or figured out by trial/error/solo. She sheds a deeper light and understanding on so so so many things I have tried to understand, and experienced, over the years in my relationship but couldn’t. I literally cry almost every episode at how “understood” I finally feel. A.J., thank you for what you do!! You have literally been my biggest strength to healing.

This host obviously has no idea or knowledge of what it’s like for people with BPD. We actually feel too much and go through emotion overload. Learn the facts. This podcast is disgusting and preaches hate.

Trash

This podcast, you sharing your experiences and knowledge has helped me so much, tremendous. Thank You.

In the aftermath of a devastating relationship and messy breakup, I stumbled across AJ’s podcast. I had suspected my ex had BPD and that I had some flaws that made me susceptible to BPD manipulation. This podcast validated my suspicions. Without ever having met me or my ex, AJ described our relationship with uncanny accuracy. She gave me the certainty and courage I needed to go full no-contact and begin my recovery process. My entire life had collapsed by this point. I came to understand the true nature of this toxic relationship and the root causes in me that led me back for more and more punishment. I’m now working directly with AJ to put myself back together. I seriously don’t know if I would still be alive if I hadn’t found this. Thank you, AJ.

This is truly so disheartening to listen to and/or read the synopses of these episodes. Reading that the host has THIRTY+ years experience is nothing but unsettling. I can only imagine the furthered stigmatization of borderline personality disorder this has brought to people. I myself have borderline personality disorder, and I have been in DBT-centric therapy as well as other types of treatment surrounding emotional dysregulation etc etc. as someone who favors scientific explanations/roots to mental health such as chemical imbalance, social science in a family dynamic, and nurture vs nature to name a couple, through said therapies I learned many things about BPD and id like to share one very specific one; BPD can be “caused” for lack of better words, by a couple different ways. For me, it resulted from an emotional intense yet emotional neglectful childhood. Some other ways are by enduring trauma, there is also a genetic component to BPD but its not really noted highly as being hereditary. The one thing in common is that all these ways are never at the hands of the person with the diagnosis. But for some reason when I hear/read the backwards thinking and extremely generalized statements from this host there is such a prominent sense of villainizing people with BPD as if we feel/speak/think the way we do with the intention to do so! From personal experience I can confidently say that it’s exactly the opposite. If you get to close to a rescue dog sometimes they bark, or shy away, or yes maybe even bite, but does that mean that the dog is inherently undoubtedly ferocious? Or does it mean that the dog reacted in a way that felt appropriate due to past experiences? I want to make something clear about that though, I am not saying that the “dog” is entitled to bark,shy away, bite etc in anyway OR that people who are hurt by the “dog” aren’t entitled to help. I simply just urge that you choose a perspective of understanding versus the perspective that this podcast in particular promotes, which is one of judgement and prejudice. One other thing that is deeply engrained in DBT therapy is the aspect of a middle ground. Wether that is in opposing opinions, seeing eye to eye etc. I encourage anyone who is in a relationship with / has a relative / works with / even just knows in general someone with BPD to approach with an aspect or willingness to understand. It’s truly truly hurtful to read such statements in verbiage along the lines of “dealing with ____” or “surviving a ____”, as if people with borderline are a nothing more than a natural disaster leaving nothing but debris behind. Please try and see how that might a person feel to read that they are something to be DEALT with. I want to restate that I in no way am saying that people with BPD are incapable of hurting others or are exempt from accountability. It’s just upsetting to hear others complain or as previously said, say things like “dealing with ___” in regard to the person who has front row tickets, and a vip pass to the whole thing and knows firsthand that its not the easiest thing in the world to say the least. Overall, please, just some compassion, perspective, or willingness to understand. And again if anyone has a bad experience with someone with borderline that does not mean that you have to forgive them or be fine with it or that you don’t deserve mental help/mental security of your own or that you can’t talk to a professional with the key point of that whatever happened, happened with someone with borderline personality disorder. HOWEVER it also does not mean that every single person with BPD is automatically nothing but the negative. Not every person who is abusive has BPD and not every person with BPD is an abuser. Also! Idk if anyone else with BPD feels this way but it feels so demeaning to be referred to as “borderlines”, very exclusionary and very black and white thinking (which is ironic because that is also something that is taught in dbt therapy; how to avoid/overcome/challenge black and white thinking). Curiosity and willingness breeds understanding while judgment breeds no where. “It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject from various points of view” -George Eliot

I came to this in the middle of a break up. I couldn’t describe my experience more clearly. I am in therapy for my codependency and I NEVER went back!

And her truth is spot on. This podcast helped me more than I had ever expected. She consistently redirects the focus of the codependent while lending understanding to the dynamic and behaviors of both the Co-D and the BPD. Great, educated, insightful information. Everyone will not be ready to receive this but it is well worth the discomfort.

She is spot-on with the BPD torment experienced by the partner.

BPD is a disorder caused by abuse. Treating them as someone who doesn’t deserve love in DISGUSTING.

I finally found a resource that mirrored exactly what I’m going through currently with my BPD partner and it has saved my sanity and validated all of what I’m feeling and experiencing. Thank you AJ!

I'm really intrigued by this content, and want to evaluate it fairly. But I can't focus on the podcast, because literally every few minutes, it's abruptly interrupted by an AD THAT'S THREE TIMES LOUDER than the podcast narration. When I say abruptly, I mean it can start in the middle of a sentence in the podcast, and suddenly you're assaulted with ear-splitting commercials shouting into your eardrums about local internet service, injury lawyers, whatever...but always, always SHOCKINGLYLY LOUD! sorry, AJ, but I just have to stop listening. It's excrutiating.

This is horrible! People w BPD deserve to be loved with sincerity and patience. People with BPD want to love with sincerity, and consistency. As a person with BPD, my greatest trouble in life is to date, and I already feel like that is impossible and it seems to be because of people like A.J. Mahari perpetuate, false information that we are horrible apathetic individuals similar to narcs. No, no.

Love how direct this podcast is. Its so true and straight to the point. Thank you for helping me move on.

As someone that has BPD, this is insulting. You actually people with BPD need love. You are very ignorant to what people go through, I am sorry to say.

This is a little dense, maybe just for me. A lot of content to process I felt like this is an analysis of a scene out of my family room and endless iterations with my wife of 35 years Understanding now that My hope for recovery is hopeless and I need to move on. I tried low contact and that is not working - recycling is a great word. Or as an old programmer being caught in a loop Only thing I am experiencing that is not mentioned is the threat of suicide Something that seems to be holding the family hostage Great stuff not good stuff I am going to listen again

You helped me move on from my bpd ex who broke my heart, manipulated m, gaslighted me, hurt me. I had the worst relationship in my life with-him. Thank you so much Aj.

This podcast is full of false information from someone who doesn’t appear to have any credentials as an actual mental health provider.

This show depicts people who struggle with BPD in such a bad light. You should be embarrassed of yourself. Especially since you claim to be a mental health “expert”.

This podcast presents some biased scientific information from a professional that appears very wounded by her prior relationships with individuals dealing with BPD. She depicts those suffering as people who will never recover and live happy lives with partners, she is insulting, and she does not offer tools as to how to fix issues with their partners. This podcast is very “doom and gloom” and offers very little in terms of truly working with those of you who may care about someone with BPD and preserving these relationships.

The host uses profanity so I wouldn’t call this show clean. That doesn’t bother me but it could bother others. I also wouldn’t call this kind to people with BPD. I guess that’s not the point. But! If you have BPD, buckle up for hearing the very worst qualities about yourself. Sit back and get browbeaten with the message that you’re impossible to love, shouldn’t be in romantic relationships, that you’re totally unreachable, unstable, and unable to make emotional attachments or empathize. Bask in the message that you’re doomed to having BPD forever because the host considers it basically untreatable for most people (she said 8-16 years minimum - and that’s if you have access to the best treatment available). If you have BPD, this sort of messaging can be pretty painful to hear. But it’s not just a matter of BPD tough love or telling it like it is. The host’s binary, black-or-white thinking leaves no room for considerations of the spectrum of BPD, thus lumping all BPDs together as being incapable of treatment and sustaining relationships - heck, or even truly feeling love. The show further stigmatizes people with BPD when it encourages listeners to avoid relationships with BPDs. BPDs are not bad people. They’re not unlovable or unreachable (though they can act that way at times). They’re doing the best they can with what they have. And they’d do better without being fed the message that they are beyond help and beyond love, that it’s better off for everyone if BPDs remain alone in life. If you have BPD, this podcast is extremely discouraging. There are better shows to follow that offer practical tools, understanding, and hope to people with BPD. This show is for some people, no doubt. But I wouldn’t say it’s for someone with BPD.

You’re literally saying someone with BPD are doomed to not be in a relationship and saying they pretty much are not worth the time. It feels like you’re saying people with BPD are not worth love because of their mental illness.

As a mental health professional, this podcast is extremely stigmatizing and damaging.

Amazing. Straight to the point. You reaffirmed all my thoughts about my ex and his BPD…. Thank you for the closure I didn’t know I needed x

This podcast has been helpful. I don’t feel alone anymore. I’m just starting my journey to self . I’m scared but look forward to learning from AJ Mahari

This podcast has been the catalyst to much needed inner healing that I have been unaware of for a long time. Thank you for helping me

The host is amazingly knowledgeable about borderline. I’ve been married to a borderline wife for 21 years and I am a bit of a codependent. EVERYTHING she says in EVERY episode so far has resonated with me. I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts who claim to know a lot about borderline but it’s like she’s been watching our entire marriage and taking extensive notes, although I do hope she eventually looks into marijuana and alcohol use with borderlines.

I specifically searched for borderline break ups because the last year of my life has essentially been everything described in this podcast .It was with a man who turned on me on a dime for no reason and blamed me -Every behavior described is exactly what I’ve dealt with - it drove me crazy depressed and questioned myself. I’ve spent every hour of every day trying to figure out how to reason with him and how to say things right. This is the biggest breath of fresh air to understand that it isn’t me- it is a disorder. Thank you so much for this I’ve listen to every episode and can’t wait for more. It is ultimate healing and understanding.